982 -

Found another one a Canada this time. You know. The country with a great health care system. I think we all ought to move there.

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Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about Canucks . . . .

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, You may live in Canada.

If someone in a Home Depot store Offers you assistance and they don't work there, You may live in Canada.

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, You may live in Canada.

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation With someone who dialed a wrong number, You may live in Canada.

If 'Vacation' means going anywhere South of Detroit for the weekend, You may live in Canada.

If you measure distance in hours, You may live in Canada.

If you know several people Who have hit a deer more than once, You may live in Canada.

If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' In the same day and back again, You may live in Canada.

If you can drive 90 km/hr through 2 feet of snow During a raging blizzard without flinching, You may live in Canada.

If you install security lights on your house and garage, But leave both unlocked, You may live in Canada.

If you carry jumpers in your car And your wife knows how to use them, You may live in Canada.

If you design your kid's Halloween costume To fit over a snowsuit, You may live in Canada.

If the speed limit on the highway is 80 km, You're going 90 and everybody is passing you, You may live in Canada.

If driving is better in the winter Because the potholes are filled with snow, You may live in Canada.

If you know all 4 seasons: Almost winter, winter, still winter, And road construction, You may live in Canada.

If you have more miles On your snow blower than your car, You may live in Canada.

If you find 2 degrees 'a little chilly', You may live in Canada.

If you actually understand these jokes, And forward them to all Your Canadian friends & others, You definitely live in Canada.

 

981 - Talking dog

I ran across this old joke. Haven't heard it in awhile but it's a good one that needs to be told again.

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A guy is driving around the back woods and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: "Talking Dog For Sale" He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says "So, what's your story?" The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping."

"I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down.

I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.

I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. "I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed.

He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the guy says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff."

 

980 - demote

I found another demotivational poster site. It's different than the other one that I posted about before. (much before) (so much before I can't find it from before)
(click to big 'em)

I've seen a variation of this poster but I like this one better. It has an extra instruction.



This one is a subtle one. Poor Jeffery.



Lots more on the site.

979 - Charlton Heston's Basement

Peek-a-boo. Who's in there? With a safe door like this must be something important.


Why it's Heston's gun collection. And a few flame throwers thrown in.
CLIG

What's a gun room without a shooting range?
CLIG


 

978 - Exactly

Roused from an older post about geek t-shirts, I thought this would go along with yesterdays' post really well.