976 - Haunting

Questions That Haunt Me - No not me. The guy that wrote this list.

************************************

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in," but it's only a "penny for your thoughts?" Where's that extra penny going?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

 

975 - Subway

Not the sandwich shop. The real place. There's a new site that's copying the 'people of walmart' site. It's called ...... wait ...... I've got it here somewhere ...... HEY, it's the public transit people site. So Bilbo, you need to be careful what your doing and wearing on the bus because a lot of these pictures are coming from the east coast. (there's video's too)

I think a new trend has started in websites. People of ...... I wonder which one my picture is going to wind up on. People picking their ........? NO WAIT! People falling off roofs!

Here's one of the funnier subway pictures.



 

974 - This seemed fishy.

Here's a short one. There are three entries on this (tweet?). I read the last entry and laughed but thought, this kid must be joking. Then I reread the first entry and thought, probably not.



 

973 - Me shopping?

Bandit sent me this one. I think it's a joke floating around the net right now. But after I read it I thought this could be a 'things to do' list. I could do some of these with no problem.

********************************


WHY MY WIFE WONT TAKE ME SHOPPING

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.

Dear Mrs. Smith,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Smith, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 16: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 3: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 8: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 20: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'.

5. August 5: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 15: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 18: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 24: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 5: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 12: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 4: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 7: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 19: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

15. October 24: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'



It wasn't until I typed the date that I realized what day it is this month. The real thing!

972 - Cash

Here's a quickie note from AARP. Use cash instead of credit. OK.... WAIT.... Don't they tell you that if you use cash you should track all your transactions so you know where your money is going? The thing that the credit card does already? And if you lose your credit card you lose $50. Not so with cash. And it wouldn't surprise me if soon there is a fee for using cash.